In a [ p e r f e c t ] world . . .

Allow Me To Be A Debbie-Downer For A Moment

In all honesty, I have a pretty good life. I have a nice apartment, a well paying job, a running car, and a life size cardboard cutout of Draco Malfoy. Sounds great, right? Maybe I’m just expecting too much, or maybe it’s just the time, but I am sinking into a depression.

It’s not so hard to admit now, after hearing someone else say the words.

As a self-help exercise, I’m going to make a list of the things I feel are bringing me down the most at the moment.

1. I work in a corporate office call center. While making $12 an hour is amazing for a 19 year old right out of high school, I am not the kind of person who can be happy in a redundant 9-5 (or 6, I should say) job. And what do I do at this job? I answer phones. “Thank you for calling Your Other Warehouse, this is Laney” comes out of my mouth a minimum of 100 times a day. And to make things worse, I’m in the plumbing department. I answer questions about toilets and rough-in valves all day from the morons at Home Depot. Sure, I like my cubicle. Until I look around and see my deadbeat coworkers downing his/her sixth cup of Community Coffee in the span of one hour. I can’t do it. I’m restless. To be perfectly honest, I’m still there because of three things only. Firstly, I need the rent money. Second, I helped two of my friends get a job there. I can’t desert them now. Especially one who just got out of two months of training and still needs help. Finally, reason number three. Michael. Coworker Michael is thirty and married, and he’s my work-husband. I wouldn’t have even made it this long without him being there to chat and joke with. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not lusting after him. I do like him, just not…sexually? Either way, he’s what’s mainly keeping me selling faucets and bidets for your household.
2. I moved out too soon. Can you imagine the amount of funds I’d have if I weren’t paying $400 rent + groceries every month? A LOT is the answer. But it’s not all about the money. And believe me, I love the freedom and everything, but I miss my cat. And while I could go into that topic, I’ll spare you the gushing about that adorable little ball of fluff and fat. I also miss my neighbor, i.e. Mom#2 (or #1, depending on how you see it). My neighbor Phyll raised me from a month old. Transitioning from seeing her every single day to once or twice a week is HARD. I just want to quit my job and go plop down on her couch and watch some crappy crime drama. That’s home. That’s what I miss. Also, the responsibility is relentless. I wish I could still go on not giving a damn about how to pay bills and remembering to buy air filters. My roommate is a child. She may be a month older than me, but she may as well still be in diapers. Oh well, at least I’ll have plenty of parenting practice when that time rolls around.
3. I am lonely. Nothing else to it. And I know this is my own fault. I should go out more, put myself out there blah, blah, blah. Well you know what? It’s kind of hard to let loose and party with my mind on bills, keeping said job, making sure the cat has food, and Roommate doesn’t drink the rotten milk in the fridge. Go ahead, say it. I’m a grandma. I’m boring. Whatever. Maybe the man I want in my life is the same way. Not boring, really. Just… responsible and over the whole party thing, you know? Another reason I’m not dating anyone is that I’m picky. And I deserve to be. I, for one, will not date someone trashy, dickish, or a loser. I don’t want a random fling. I don’t want to date a bunch of guys and go through them in a month. I’m sure I could if I lowered my standards, but that’s not going to happen. And face it, who can I really find in Denham Springs, Louisiana?
4. Self-esteem. I’m at an all time low these days. Normally I can pick out the good and ignore the bad. It’s quite difficult when the bad runs you over with an eighteen-wheeler. True story: I was talking to this guy for a good couple of months. Conversation dropped off a few times, but it had started to pick up again. So I invited him to a party. A party hosted by one of my gorgeous best friends. I’m not even going to lie, I never stood a chance with her in the room. In his mind, at least. But seeing a relationship develop with the guy who is supposed to be at this party with me and best friend? I seriously deserve an Oscar for best actress. What else could I have done? She was obviously into him, so who am I to stop it? Sure, I could say something. But then she’d resent me for claiming dibs on a guy who forgot all about me. I’d much rather her friendship than keep talking to this really cute guy. So here we are in the present. I listen to her talk about him, saying stuff I already know because she’s forgotten she’s not the only one he’d talked to. I understand, though. She likes him. It’s natural to gloat. I just sort of wish she’d talked to me about it before snuggling up to him (literally) the night he’d come to meet me.

All things I can work on. So stay tuned for the slightly less depressing post: The Not-So-Creative Plan Of Action.

Tent Sale Soulmate

You know, not many can say the following words: I met my soulmate at a (sketchy) tent sale.

Upon arriving at said sale, Jennifer (@Justtobe) and I meandered through the useless junk, trying to find a suitable gift for her brother. It turns out that the owners had some totally awesome merchandise. While debating between the knife-ring and the knife-necklace, enter: MysteryMan.

Not thinking much of him, Jennifer then whispers, “Laney! That’s the guy who dressed up as Snape at the Half-Blood Prince premiere!”

GASP!!

Further inspection confirmed this revelation. Indeed, this was the man who, a few months prior, had asked me to draw him his very own Dark Mark. I took in his appearance as he and Jennifer discussed airsoft guns; tall, lean, grey suit, red tie, gelled hair…

“You’re a Harry Potter fan?” Apparently, I had been accidentally displaying my phone on the glass counter right in front of him.

Anyway, I confirmed his assumption, Jennifer adding her own two cents.

And that’s when he pulled out his Slytherin scarf. I couldn’t help myself; my mouth dropped open.

“I’m a big fan, myself. I even dressed up as Snape for the Half-Blood Prince premiere.” Ohh, I know. Believe me, I know.

“Oh, that was you? I was the girl with the Dark Mark!”

My brain was so full of him by that point that I don’t even remember much of what happened after that. Except for the icing on the cake, that is.

Near the check-out counter stood a small cart of large bouncy balls. While I took one and shook it to see all the glitter inside, MisterWonderful took the one Jennifer was holding and raised it.

“Give me the prophecy now, or watch your friends die. (Raises ball higher) —Get away from my godson!”

And that’s when we both punched the air, Sirius Black style.

Oh, it is love.

Before leaving, we talked about how he got his (black) boss to dress up as Dumbledore, and his favorite parts in HBP. I’m sure there were other things, but my mind was whirling! But he left, having work so soon. It turns out, he’s the assistant manager at Rave Motion Pictures.

So goodbye, soulmate. I never even got to tell you my name…